There are always people who are worse of than you and whilst I know and believe this, and even tho we have had a fab weekend, I find myself sitting here on the lounge watching tv, feeling alone and sad tonight.

Joseph and I would normally watch the recruit together and since he is working away I haven’t watched the last couple of weeks as I’ve been waiting for him. I found out tonight that he has fox 8 up in moomba so he isn’t behind anymore and I need to catch up. Can’t wait for him to come home Friday – it’s been a long 2 and a half weeks so far! It is not ideal with me not having the capacity to do everything I could pre MS and him missing out, but he has taken the job working away as it was a long 7 weeks between pays and the oil and gas industry appears to hold a better future than manufacturing especially in SA.

If it’s hard for me here in my environment, doing my normal tasks with great support around me, I can’t begin to think about the sacrifices Joseph is making for us and how he must be feeling. He does a lot to help me with Bianca and Dominic and I probably don’t give him the credit he deserves often enough and I am noticing the difference! With my hubby not here I am left to not only deal with house duties but also look after my kidlets and myself. It’s not easy and I take my hat off to single parents. I need a hug and my poor babies are missing their daddy lots and lots.

Adding to my sadness… I was looking at FB tonight and I am very happy for the Elite Academy of Dance’s over 30’s who reunited this year and won their entry in the comps tonight. However I am also feeling very sad that due to my MS I will never be able to a part of that. I gave up dancing the year after I was first diagnosed as I felt my balance, strength and coordination was compromised by my right leg. I miss the friendship and fun dancing at EAD and realise that all good things must come to an end but it doesn’t make it any easier when if a year ago I didn’t have such a massive relapse I might have been able to perform again with them. Well done ladies!

Along with thinking about why I gave up dance, I have been upset (again) that I also was not able to play hockey this year as I was tallying the votes for the best and fairest this weekend. Whilst I have been part of the club, socially, on the committee and managing the ladies team, playing hockey was a big part of who I was. It’s been nearly a year since my last attack which has left me unable to run or even walk without a noticeable limp and I have resorted to the fact that this is as good as I am going to recover. It’s not the end of the world and it definitely could be worse but as I near my 32nd birthday I am definitely heartbroken by the way in which I HAD to give up my passion when really I should have had a lot more years left in me!

This treatment I will undertake in Russia will hopefully halt me here, where I am at today and whilst the recovery will be long and hard. I pray that this is as bad as I will get before I have to give up anything else.

I will hop into my empty bed now and will wake up feeling ok and will get on with my busy week despite my limitations from this awful disease. Sometimes you just need a good cry!